I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
