Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
