I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
