masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize