while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
