If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize