youre lurking in front of me
My liver just broke up with me...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
