Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
