were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
