No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
where am i from again
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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