4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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