I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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