i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
