Don't make out with my wife yet
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
