operation harelip BJ is a go
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
