living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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