I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
