You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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