If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
