I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
