Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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