dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
