Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
