i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
