btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
