i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
