you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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