your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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