I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
