drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
