she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
