remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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