I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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