I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish my penis had a tongue
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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