I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
