I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
one two three fourrrrnication!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
