Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
