i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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