oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
