$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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