how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize