This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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