I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
