Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
