remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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