this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
