Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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