i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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