she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
