I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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