dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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