he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
