Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
