What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
