You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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