u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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