the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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