I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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