but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Boobs are out for the taking
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
