I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Actions speak louder than pants.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
