My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
