I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
