I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
