i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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