I wanna bring you to show and tell
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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