You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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