my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
