So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
