Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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