maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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