It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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