You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
