We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
